spike jones on the box

–Book a charter for $600

–Or, fill your boat with $600 worth of fuel

–Or, mill about on shore with a boost from Trucker’s Friend to keep your wits in case they ever come close enough.

–Drive around aimlessly in aforementioned boat in areas they are supposed to be, looking for busts.

–Curse and throw stuff when the scoped birds are diving over bluefish. Claim that you hate their very existence even though you secretly want to stop and cast to them with a wired-on popper.

–Finally see missiles projecting out of the water and slashing through rainbait; trip in your haste to make ready at the bow, knocking your teeth into a bow cleat. Calculate cost of future dentistry.

–Load backcast, flub forward cast, watch every false albacore in vicinity disappear.

–Load backcast, make forward cast, watch every false albacore in vicinity disappear.

–Load backcast, hook boat driver in his ear.

–Make cast into busting albies, hook outgoing coil on the anchor pulpit. Lose $80 worth of fly line.

–Watch your friend catch albies on his turn with none of the previously mentioned problems.

–Sell your soul to the devil to hook a fish.

–Hook fish, lose the aft half to a shark. Reel in head.

–Sell your childrens’ souls for another shot.

–Hook fish, fight fish, enjoy the line cuts, land fish by grabbing its tail.

–Hold fish in the air, triumphantly spike it head first back into the water.

–Exhale.

Yeah, you spiked it for the oxygen flow.